Mastering Emotions

Welcome back to Ikigami Insider - a 7-minute read designed to deepen your journey toward balance, purpose, and emotional mastery.

This week’s focus is on emotional intelligence (EQ) and the transformative practice of “Level Five Listening.” Emotional intelligence is essential to success—often more than we realize. In Emotional Intelligence 2.0, authors Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves underscore its impact, revealing that EQ accounts for 58% of performance in most jobs, and that people with high EQ earn, on average, $29,000 more annually than those with lower EQ. Unlike IQ, EQ is a skill that can be cultivated, allowing us to shape our emotional experiences and relationships.

Scott Walker further emphasizes this concept, explaining that emotions don’t simply happen to us; we actively shape them by how we interpret and respond. His recent insights remind us that by cultivating emotional intelligence, we can approach life’s challenges with intention and build meaningful, lasting connections.

Let’s explore how these principles support our journey of Ikigai.

I - Intention: Choosing Your Focus

Intentional focus is at the core of emotional intelligence. In Order Out of Chaos, Scott Walker explains that in each moment, we choose where to direct our attention and how we interpret experiences. This is especially critical when stress arises. According to Emotional Intelligence 2.0, only 36% of people are able to accurately identify their emotions in real-time. This week, set the intention to pause and recognize your feelings as they arise, giving you the power to decide your next action with clarity.

K - Knowledge: Emotions as Biological Responses

Bradberry and Greaves explain that emotions are not random reactions; they’re biologically rooted responses influenced by our past experiences and current thoughts. In Emotional Intelligence 2.0, they note that our brains are wired so that our first reaction to an event is often emotional, shaped by our previous experiences. Understanding this allows us to view emotions as data rather than automatic commands, helping us navigate feelings mindfully.

Reflection: When an emotion arises, ask yourself, “What’s this feeling signaling? Could it connect to something in my past?”

I - Imagination: Visualizing Emotional Mastery

Our Ikigami Imagine Vision-Movie invites us to visualize handling stress and challenges with resilience and calm. This visualization practice prepares your mind for real-life situations by mentally rehearsing how you want to respond emotionally. Imagine yourself managing difficult moments with emotional intelligence and empathy, creating a foundation for emotional resilience.

Exercise: When feeling overwhelmed, pause and visualize your future self responding with grace. This mental practice helps reinforce desired responses.

G - Growth: Riding the Emotional Wave

Walker explains that emotions tend to peak and subside naturally within about ninety seconds. Bradberry and Greaves echo this in Emotional Intelligence 2.0, noting that self-awareness during emotional peaks gives us the ability to avoid feeding unproductive responses. Practicing awareness during these waves helps us pause and choose a response rather than react impulsively, which is essential for managing stress and maintaining well-being.

Tip: During intense emotions, practice breathing deeply for ninety seconds to let the feeling settle. Afterward, choose how you wish to respond.

A - Action: Practicing Level Five Listening

With emotional awareness, we’re better prepared to deepen connections through Walker’s Level Five Listening. Here’s how the levels of listening are typically categorized:

1. Hearing – Receiving words without processing.

2. Pretend Listening – Nodding along without true engagement.

3. Selective Listening – Hearing only parts that align with our beliefs.

4. Attentive Listening – Actively listening to understand content.

5. Empathetic (Level Five) Listening – Setting aside ego to understand another’s perspective and building genuine rapport.

Walker emphasizes that Level Five Listening is not about manipulating others but about fostering connection through empathy. Stephen Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, echoes this idea: “Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply.”

M - Mastery: Flexible Communication

Mastery in relationships lies in adaptability. Bradberry and Greaves emphasize in Emotional Intelligence 2.0 that high EQ involves flexible communication, which builds trust and understanding. By adjusting our communication style based on each person and situation, we create authentic connections, even during emotional moments.

I - Inspiration: Embrace the Power of Choice

This week, recognize that you’re not just experiencing emotions—you’re actively shaping them. Whether it’s through managing stress or practicing deep listening, every choice brings you closer to a life aligned with your Ikigai.

Call to Action: Ready to deepen your journey? Join Ikigami Imagine, where Vision-Movies and guided practices foster resilience and build stronger connections. Reach out if interested or if you know someone who would resonate with this journey!

Reflection in Verse

Thumbnail: Photo of Ryan Loughlin on Unsplash

Further Reading

1. Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional Intelligence 2.0.

2. Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

3. Walker, S. (2023). Order Out of Chaos.

Thank you for joining this Ikigami journey! Embrace your role as the creator of your emotional experience and practice deep listening to foster genuine connections.

See you next Sunday!

Yours in harmony,
Miriam